RenFest Notes

Renaissance Festival notes from last time. We talked Kelley and John into attending, and I am glad: going to the Ren Fest is good, but going with friends is so much better in the sharing of experiences [not to mention, witnesses to pass along the legendary stories] Lots of people in medieval clothing, many, many bustiers [thank you, Lord!] and lots of guys in kilts, too.
I chose the red, Wallace tartan with Corcoran jump boots and white Brother T-shirt and, of course, my Tampa Bay Buccaneers ball cap that Kev traded me long ago. On the way in, some sales guys wanted me to sign up for some drawing. I declined, but had a nice chat with one who had actually seen Brother, and liked them.

www.brothermusic.com if you like Scotsmen from Australia, living in California, playing bagpipes with guitar, bass, drums and that Aussie Outback shouting stick, the didgideroo.
Kel was shopping, so we didnt see them even though we were late. Got the program, saw that Pirate Shantyman and Bonnie Lass would be performing [at the pub!!] at 2 PM, so we moseyed over there, bought a couple of pints, and settled in behind the dude with a cigar and his lady friend [in medieval dress] who also had a stogie. Nice people, too. Shantyman this year has grown out his moustache a bit and has turned up the edges into a slight handlebar. Reminds me of Dog, the Bounty Hunter somewhat. Bonnie Lass is the same old gal, cute as a button. Fun people. They began by noticing I was wearing a kilt, and establishing the fact that they knew me from last year [I got them to promise that they would sing a kilt-related song, so that was good, and I dont mind getting teased. If I did, I would wear shorts like 99% of the male population]. As always, they taught us the Pirate Salute [and how to sign the letter R of course!!]. Forefinger and middle finger cross em, lift to your brow and snarl Rrrrr! Salute accomplished. Bonnie Lass [to dude in back] "Sir, the middle finger, extended, is not the Pirate Salute!" 1st song up was about beer, with an easy chorus, sing along!! [Beer, beer, beer, beer] Then, the clean song. One would sing a verse and as they approached the dirty part which rhymed, the other would push them out of the way, change the rhyming word, and begin another verse. Vaudevillian, and pretty fun. An example would be [Shantyman singing] that the captain was looking right through his glass when he noticed a mermaid sitting on her [Bonnie Lass, whacking the leer off his face with a worried look upon hers] fin! and proceeded to make another verse. Of course, they did the classic about the sleeping Scot, the two impertinent lassies, the blue ribbon, waking up to find that he had won first prize, and all that. Then, per my earlier request, they did Donald Wheres Your Trousers? which is perhaps my favourite song of theirs, and a memorable tune, to boot. Good guitar intro, live, and catchy its still in my head. Said goodbyes after, slipped the Lass a five for their troubles [I already have a copy of the fairybox which plays songs in the cd player] and got a nice hug. Good folks :-)

Back to touch-up at the blue line [I mean, see if Kelley and John had arrived and were waiting at the entrance.] No sign of them, Kel was still shopping, and neither Pixie or I carry a cellular [well, that was then, we both do, now], so back across the land, to see the Aerial Angels. Man, these are some talented, funny women. Stopped at the stone bridge as [either Spike or Kissy, they somewhat look similar] was in a gargoyle position on the bridge rail, not moving [doing the statue routine sign said please do not molest the statue] If you dropped money into the bowl, she would suddenly proclaim Huzzah! and change positions before getting statuary again [is that the proper usage of the word?]. Of course, that intrigued me, but the gay cardinal from Bawdy and Soul was seated next to her, and was trying to get us to give him money. Well, I knew that I would get to hang out with the Angels later [they had me up on stage last year, forming a performance art with three other guys where we all leaned back, forming a circle of sorts, resting out back on the knees of the guy behind us Spike went burrowing into the mix and came climbing out the center hole, shrieking Happy Birthday, Mister President..!! hahahahaha] so anyway, we heckled the cardinal somewhat, taking from his offering and bantering. Anyway, we put the offeratory notes back, and discovered that he was selling Get out of Hell Free cards.
Never know when that might come in handy, so I bought one. Get out of Hell Free, do not pass Go[d], go straight to Heaven..

Wandered around, made sure to get the huzzah! from the statue, stood and watched Isabella, leader of the Angels, do a fire-eating routine. Missed her last year at the fest; she is really witty and funny [she explains why she does the RenFest - $40,000 in student loans and a liberal arts degree! =:-0 ] and at one point has fire sitting on her lips before blowing it out. Wow! Anyway, about this time Kelley and John show up, with Boo [a min pin]. We're all happy, Kel has on a rather pretty, black renaissance-inspired wrap [which they had just purchased ;-) ], really a striking figure, when she chooses to be. She was worried about being the only person in themed garb... no worries!

Off to find water for Boo, and more beer. Decided to take the brew over and get some chow. None of the others is worth a crap at reading maps, so I figured out where we had to go, and noticed the jousting arena at the same time. Had some time, went for prime rib shredded on a bun [thats about the only faire food which wont pretty much kill ya], saw that free samples were promised by the guy in a kilt and wondered what trouble I could get into. None, but the guy in the [other] kilt sold sausages and jerky. I bought a one-pound sack of hot pickled sausages and thought I was going to have to do the Heimlich on Kelley, who made the near-fatal error of breathing while about to swallow a bite. John got a four foot mild smoked sausage, and it was good also :-) Back to the steak sandwiches: got one each for Pixie and myself, plus a tray of homemade potato chips, hot and soft; pretty good actually. I noticed what appeared to be the tip basket, and enquired of the lass, how was I to leave her a tip [the basket?] She replied that the tip goes into her bustier, next to her heart! =:-0 So, I gave her a bill and sure enough, there it went into the bustier. She confessed that she was saving up for a bigger basket!! hahahahaha

We saw the gay cardinal walking along with his homie [the abbot or some such rank of clergy] so I hollered Lets go, Cardinals! and of course, this prompted a silly wave. Anyway, off to shopping and the jousts.

We were sitting on the side of Edward, Lord of Warwick [the face, in red and blue]. We were designated to cheer for him, and him being an Ainglishman, I booed him instead. His opponent that the drunken rabble was allowed to cheer [obviously, we sat in the wrong section], clad in black and purple, was Malcolm [thats a Scots name] of Exeter, whose slogan is Cheat to Win! Viva la raza, baby, so I cheered him on, and he DID cheat. Nice antics. The crowd around us had a great time and enjoyed having a heel fan in their midst [when they were cheering Edward, I would holler Blood makes the grass grow!] or the old fave: [Crowd "Edward" followed by Chuck "Sucks"!] So, Eddie and goodness prevailed. As we left, it began to rain. Being the only one with foresight and 89 cents, I pulled a hooded poncho from my sporran and put it on. Everyone asked me where I got that, and I truthfully replied WalMart, for 89 cents.

Whats a sporran, you might ask? In laymans terms, a nut-sack. Really. Ever notice the purse-looking thing that a kilt-wearer wears hanging in front of Big Willie and the Twins? Thats called a sporran. Originally, it was body armor, but is now functional and decorative. Mine is a black leather pouch with three tassles, and is good for carrying wallet, poncho, and other useful stuff, like my new Get out of Hell free card ;-) So, off to purchase soap!! Really, got some nice herbal soaps including thistle [including the leaves but minus the thorns!! =:-0] and a nice raspberry peppermint for waking.

Lost my friends, they were in the pub, hanging out with gay cardinal and abbot. I forgot how the conversation got there, as we were joking around, but the cardinal was talking about how old he was, and I proudly announced that I was 47. We guessed cardinals age [well, being gallant, I guessed 29, Pixie guessed 33; gay cardinal is 42]. Pixie looks young for her age [just turned 52 on Friday] so I asked the cardinal to guess her age. He proceeded to kiss her [to be able to guess better] and proclaimed 41!! She admitted she was 52, which I think flustered the poor fellow a bit as he blurted out that she has a big set of boobs! Well, she does, ya know, so we were all just rolling by this point, as she announced that they were real, too. About this time, the cardinal asked Kelley how much she paid for hers. [we still dont know, but she did confirm what I already knew, that she in fact had implants]. Anyway, the mirth continued for a while until time to go so we hugged one another and departed. The abbot squeezed me bum in the process and asked if those were real, and I assured him that through diet and weight-lifting and what-not, yes, theyre real. [This was about the time the cardinal tried to use his crozier to peek up my kilt, so I pirouetted out of the way]. Hilarious fellows. Time to go, we drove off in our separate ways, Kelley and John had a blast and may come back in a couple of weeks with the grandkids [who need to get pirate do-rags, I can already guess. Works well for being biker kids, too. Kelley and John will most likely hate me 4 life after I get done corrupting the kiddies..]

hahahahadieu, until Pirate Fest! Arrrrr!